Category Archives: Sex & Relationships
Think about it; if you were never taught that sex before marriage is wrong, would you believe it is? Would you still get feelings of guilt and condemnation after a beautiful sexual experience? No, you would walk away feeling elated, on top of the world, ecstatic, fulfilled, and healed!
Religion (and society in general) has separated sex from spirituality, so if you claim to be spiritual you can’t be sexual, and if you celebrate your sexuality, you can’t possibly be spiritual. Well, my job is to put SEX and SPIRITUALITY back together again!
But before I can do that, I must first point out that in today’s Western culture, sex is viewed as a purely physical activity; attractiveness is based upon looks, body shape, skin shade/texture, clothes, hair, jewelry, financial status, cars, and such like. We are not educated about the spiritual aspect of our beings, and therefore we are missing out on a big chunk of what sex should really be about.
We are designed to have relationship with each other, that’s why we always desire to meet someone new if we are single. Sex plays a big part of this relationship. But if we are only seeking the physical part of the relationship, we will always remain unfulfilled, even if we are married. A marriage certificate doesn’t guarantee that you’re going to feel totally connected to your partner, nor does it mean you will automatically be fulfilled in your relationship. There are plenty of married couples who don’t experience ‘yada’ in their sexual relationship (for the meaning, read Year One of my Self-help novel ‘Journey of a Sister’). The good news is, sex is a great way to build intimacy in your relationship, whether you are married or in a committed relationship.
Marriage is good for providing stability in raising a family, building wealth, investing in the future, and building intimacy. It’s hard to open yourself up fully to someone who you hardly know, or who has other sexual partners. Marriage provides a foundation for future growth together. Committing to marriage is the best thing if you intend to have children together.
But before you can think about committing to marriage and having children, you should get to know each other properly, and a big part of this process is getting to know each other sexually. If you are religious, I’m not convincing you to have sex before marriage if your belief is to wait. You can get to know each other’s bodies in a very intimate way without actual penetration. And before you try to discover each other’s bodies, you should be aiming to discover each other’s minds. The act of penetration should be the final stage of getting to know each other, whether you are religious or not.
Religious folk who deny their sexual feelings are only suppressing their sexual energy, which inevitably erupts in some warped way later on down the line. We all have sexual urges because we are designed that way! What we aren’t taught, is how to manage our sexual energy. This is what this blog was set up for, and I’ll go into it in more detail in future blog posts.
The first thing I want to eliminate from your mind is the idea that sex is bad, or wrong. This just creates bad feelings within, which undoes all the good feelings you got from the sexual experience! Sex within the right context (not necessarily marriage), is the most beautiful thing you can experience on this earth. There is no other feeling that tops being in love, and having a beautiful sexual experience with the one you love. If you want to experience this type of relationship, you should stop watching pornography,which gives a warped view of how sex should be. You should also stop watching ‘programs’ on tell-lie-vision which portray an unrealistic view of relationships. The only image you should have of how your relationship should be, is the one you create in your own mind. If you are religious, your perceptions around sex might be based on your beliefs, and if they serve you well, keep them. But if they don’t, you might want to change your beliefs.
Now that I have sexually liberated you, PROCEED WITH CAUTION!
I’m not giving you the green light to go out there and have sex with whoever, whenever. Sex should be your servant, not your master. You should be in control of your sexual urges. Whether you are religious or not, think carefully before jumping into bed with any body, because your body is your temple.
Since your body is the temple of your holy spirit, you shouldn’t abuse it, and don’t allow anyone else to abuse it either. Only heart-felt sex is godly. So make sure you build intimacy with anyone before even thinking about having sex with them; only seek sexual encounters that are going to get you to ‘heaven’. Take time to build intimacy mentally and spiritually, before you commit your body.
“How do I build intimacy?”
To build real intimacy, we need to focus on each other’s spirits as well as our bodies. This is where the idea of soulmates comes from, connecting on a soul level. Since we are essentially spiritual beings living in bodies, it makes sense to connect with the spiritual part of each other’s being for true relationship.
However this doesn’t mean we have to deny the physical part of us, in fact, the reason we are in bodies is to use them to relate to each other on a physical level! We are spiritual beings having an earth experience. Being in relationship with each other is the biggest part of our journey in life, and therefore our sexual experiences should also reflect this.
If you’re in a relationship, treat each other to massages, baths together, candle-lit evenings where you can sit and talk etc. Create an atmosphere for love. More importantly, love your SELF first, before seeking love from another.
Thirdly, know that you can experience something really beautiful through the sexual act. It is meant to be a fulfilling experience, not one that leaves you feeling ‘bad’.
While offering you the hope of sexual liberation, I’ll also remind you that you should pick your sexual partners very carefully. Ever since I found out that I could go to another level spiritually through the sexual act, I’m much more careful about who I share my body-temple with!
Sexual energy isn’t meant to be suppressed; un-expressed sexual energy is like a time-bomb waiting to go off.
The aim of the sexual encounter should be to unite spiritually just as much as physically. If you have sex and come away feeling unfulfilled, you didn’t reach your full potential in that sexual experience. Always seek to have heart-felt loving, genuine caring, sexual experiences.
Sex is meant to be for healing, for yourself and your partner (Marvin Gaye knew what he was singing about!)
Sexual energy is a powerful, creative force; if you’re not going to use it to make a baby, there are other things you can create with it. In Year Eight of my Self-help novel ‘Journey of a Sister’, Suzanne and Charles stumbled upon a little-known secret to Black Male and Female Sex, and used their sexual energy to set up a successful business! Start the journey by reading an extract from Year One FREE! (Click on the image below to download for only 99p/$0.99)
In your service,
Author|Poet|Artist|Events Host|Workshop Facilitator
Promoting LOVE through Creativity!
Leave me a message:
“Masturbation is a sin!”
This was one of the taboo subjects when I was growing up in church. Yet masturbation is not a taught behaviour, it’s something that we do naturally. Both men and women can experience extreme pleasure from masturbation, with or without a partner. So the question I ask is: “Is ‘pleasuring yourself’ wrong?”
When I reached puberty, I discovered my clitoris without the help of any outside influences. Nobody pointed it out to me. All by myself, I found immense pleasure between my legs.
Yet how many men and women would freely admit to pleasuring themselves?
In Year One of my Self-help novel ‘Journey of a Sister’ the main character Suzanne is seen lying on the sofa masturbating while imagining she is being penetrated by her imaginary lover. I remember getting palpitations when I first saw it in print, knowing that people would automatically assume I was writing from experience. Yet so many women have told me that it’s as if I am writing her story!
When a man talks about ‘jacking himself off’ it’s seen as ‘normal’, whereas when a woman talks about pleasuring herself it is frowned upon. However, it was recently brought to my attention that a man is ‘draining his life force’ every time he ejaculates, whereas a woman can orgasm as often as she likes (being receptive). Ejaculation is usually accompanied by orgasm, however a man should learn how to orgasm without ejaculating (For more information about this, watch Dr Wayne Chandler’s video ‘Sexual Energy Pt. 3’ at the end of this post).
Unlike the penis, which is also used for urination, the clitoris has no other function than for sexual arousal and pleasure.
Should the woman rely on the man to stimulate it, or is it for her own pleasure?
The clitoris and its function:
Wikipedia: ‘In women, the clitoris is the woman’s most sensitive erogenous zone and the primary source of female pleasure. The visible button-like portion is near the front junction of the labia minora (inner lips), above the opening of the urethra. Unlike the penis (the male equivalent to the clitoris), it is not used for urination. The clitoris develops from an outgrowth in the embryo called the genital tubercle, which develops into either a penis or a clitoris, depending on the presence or absence of the protein tdf, which is codified by a single gene on the Y chromosome. The clitoris is a complex structure, and its size and sensitivity can vary. The glans (head) is roughly the size and shape of a pea, and is estimated to have more sensory nerve endings than any other part of the body.
Extensive studies have been done on the clitoris, primarily concerning anatomical accuracy, orgasmic factors and their physical explanation of the G-Spot. Social perceptions of the clitoris range from the significance of its role in female sexual pleasure, assumptions about its true size and depth, and varying beliefs regarding genital modification, e.g. clitoris enlargement, piercing and removal for cultural reasons’.
It is (in my opinion) unfortunate that in some African cultures, the clitoris and lips of the vagina are removed, causing the woman to ineffectively be able to feel during intercourse, or to be able to pleasure herself. This cuts her off from her own sexuality; cutting away a woman’s clitoris has the same effect as castrating an animal; it takes away her sexual prowess, and makes her docile.
What is the purpose of masturbation, and how does it affect the individual that does it?
Master-bation Meditation by Paradise Free Jahlove:
“Master-bating can be quite a spiritual thing! Oftentimes our prayers and affirmations lack passion and energy or even life, but to dream and imagine and affirm while master-bating is a blast! It feels great, it brings a smile to your face and down through your heart to your soul. It lubricates your joints, eases tension, relaxes the muscles, soothes aches, releases endorphins, adds luster to your skin, sexiness to your aura and sends music throughout your whole body and being! Master-bation Meditation makes you feel whole and complete. So can you imagine how Master-bation Meditation might get a-dick-tive? But more than that, it will heal you, thrill you, empower you and give you a strong desire to share your lovely self with someone else! Too sexy for your own body!” ~ Paradise Free Jahlove (FB Group: Paradise’s Poetry & Sex Talk)
Masturbation is Self Love; no one can do it better than you!
Mastering the Art of Masturbation for women is bountiful; a woman can experience multiple orgasms, and unlike men it doesn’t drain them, it empowers them!
“During orgasm lovers often appear as if possessed by spirits, shuddering and quivering, groaning and crying out, momentarily blind and deaf to all that surrounds them. Scientists point to a strong neurological connection between sexuality, particularly female sexuality, and going into a trance. A powerful electrical connection across women’s brain hemispheres contributes to their heightened ability to experience ecstasy. The sheer number and the density of neurons in women’s brains are significantly greater in than in men. Moreover, neurons course between the left and right sides of the brain within the corpus callosum, a connective passageway that is larger in women that in men. Another neural pathway linking the two hemispheres-known as the anterior commissure-is notably larger and denser in women than in men. And a third band of fibers connecting the thalami of the two sides of the brain-the massa intermedia-is present more often in females than in males. Since women feel orgasms so intensely that they enter an altered state of consciousness, And it is this ability that leads to women’s extraordinary skills in shamanic practice. Indeed, the word for orgasm is the same as the word for trance in a number of languages….It’s impossible to deny the physically sexual component of shamanic activity.” – Barbara Tedlock, PhD in ‘The Woman in the Shaman’s Body – Reclaiming the Feminine in Religion and Medicine’
Women, go get a mirror and place it between your legs; study your vagina (yoni). Get to know it properly, it’s your best friend! In a future article I will explain the deep significance of your yoni and womb, but for now, just take the time to get to know yourself fully.
In the past, I used to imagine this ‘phantom lover’ while masturbating, but after learning about Master-bation Meditation, I now focus on something I’d like to achieve in life, which is not just a loving relationship with a man! In Year Eight of ‘Journey of a Sister’ I mention the creative power of the Black Womban’s womb, and of her yoni juice. Women, if you read it and innerstand it, you will never look at your vagina the same way again!
Mastering the Art of Masturbation for men involves orgasm without ejaculation.
“SEX is the MASTER BAIT that is used in this society to lure people down a specific path; sex is used to sell everything because of the power that it holds. Sex is the biggest seller, but it is being used in a DESTRUCTIVE instead of an empowering, CREATIVE way. They want you to arouse it for just lustful purposes rather than heart-felt, loving creative and mutually empowering channels. It entraps a lot of people. So if you are not the master of your Self, other people will use your sexual energy against you” ~ Siayoum
Many men think nothing of pleasuring themselves while watching porn these days. Many do not know that every time they ejaculate, they are draining their life force. The reason so many men (especially Black men) end up suffering from prostate cancer is because they are ejaculating too frequently.
“Some women believe that if a man doesn’t ejaculate, something’s wrong with her. They think their purpose is to get the man to come. Their aim should be to support the brother not to go over the edge long enough to enable her to reach where she is going in her orgasmic journey” ~ Siayoum
Men, go get yo-self a bottle of baby oil; practice taking yourself to the edge, but not going over (ejaculating). This is not only good for practicing Master-bation Meditation, but is also a natural form of contraceptive. You should be able to control when and where you spill your seed.
When is the Best Time for a Man to Practice Master-bation Meditation?
“Men wake up in the morning with a hard-on, with the rising of the sun. There is a direct connection with the sun and the phallus. A man’s erection indicates his physical strength as well as his spiritual energy. The cock is related to the rising of the sun; the cock crows when the sun rises” ~ Siayoum
Based on Siayoum’s comment, I would say first thing in the morning would be the best time for a man to practice Master-bation Meditation. Men, lie in your bed (preferably alone), grab hold of that baby oil, and lubricate your shaft. There’s no need for any harsh, jerky movements as your goal is not to ‘come’. Your goal is to create the ‘feel good factor’ which is needed to get you in the right vibration as you focus on what it is you want to ‘manifest’.
In my next post ‘Cultivating Your Sexual Energy’ I will explain how it is possible to TRANSMUTE your sexual energy and use it to CREATE, instead of wasting it having sex, sex, sex!
Haven’t read my Self-help novel yet?
Read an extract from Year One FREE!
Watch this video by Dr. Wayne Chandler: Sexual Energy Pt. 3
‘FOLLOW’ this blog to receive email updates whenever I post a new ARTicle!
DID YOU ENJOY READING THIS POST? COMMENT BELOW, and consider making a donation to help us carry on doing what we love – helping you help your Self!
SHARE THE LINK TO THIS PAGE WITH YOUR FRIENDS TOO!
In your service,
Share your thoughts on this ARTicle:
This is my new blog where I will be posting ARTicles breaking the taboos around Black Sex & Spirituality!
My first article will be entitled ‘Master-bation Meditation‘ (Mastering the Art of Masturbation) which relates to Year One of my Self-help novel ‘Journey of a Sister’
You can read extracts FREE at www.journeyofasister.com
Cezanne Poetess (Author/Poet/Artist/Black Love Promoter)
P.S. You can also Preview my Self help book ‘How to Get the Ring On Your Finger‘ on the same website FREE!
Artisan Impression – Touching the Heart…through ART!
Questions or Comments? Leave them here!