Think about it; if you were never taught that sex before marriage is wrong, would you believe it is? Would you still get feelings of guilt and condemnation after a beautiful sexual experience? No, you would walk away feeling elated, on top of the world, ecstatic, fulfilled, and healed!
Religion (and society in general) has separated sex from spirituality, so if you claim to be spiritual you can’t be sexual, and if you celebrate your sexuality, you can’t possibly be spiritual. Well, my job is to put SEX and SPIRITUALITY back together again!
But before I can do that, I must first point out that in today’s Western culture, sex is viewed as a purely physical activity; attractiveness is based upon looks, body shape, skin shade/texture, clothes, hair, jewelry, financial status, cars, and such like. We are not educated about the spiritual aspect of our beings, and therefore we are missing out on a big chunk of what sex should really be about.
We are designed to have relationship with each other, that’s why we always desire to meet someone new if we are single. Sex plays a big part of this relationship. But if we are only seeking the physical part of the relationship, we will always remain unfulfilled, even if we are married. A marriage certificate doesn’t guarantee that you’re going to feel totally connected to your partner, nor does it mean you will automatically be fulfilled in your relationship. There are plenty of married couples who don’t experience ‘yada’ in their sexual relationship (for the meaning, read Year One of my Self-help novel ‘Journey of a Sister’). The good news is, sex is a great way to build intimacy in your relationship, whether you are married or in a committed relationship.
Marriage is good for providing stability in raising a family, building wealth, investing in the future, and building intimacy. It’s hard to open yourself up fully to someone who you hardly know, or who has other sexual partners. Marriage provides a foundation for future growth together. Committing to marriage is the best thing if you intend to have children together.
But before you can think about committing to marriage and having children, you should get to know each other properly, and a big part of this process is getting to know each other sexually. If you are religious, I’m not convincing you to have sex before marriage if your belief is to wait. You can get to know each other’s bodies in a very intimate way without actual penetration. And before you try to discover each other’s bodies, you should be aiming to discover each other’s minds. The act of penetration should be the final stage of getting to know each other, whether you are religious or not.
Religious folk who deny their sexual feelings are only suppressing their sexual energy, which inevitably erupts in some warped way later on down the line. We all have sexual urges because we are designed that way! What we aren’t taught, is how to manage our sexual energy. This is what this blog was set up for, and I’ll go into it in more detail in future blog posts.
The first thing I want to eliminate from your mind is the idea that sex is bad, or wrong. This just creates bad feelings within, which undoes all the good feelings you got from the sexual experience! Sex within the right context (not necessarily marriage), is the most beautiful thing you can experience on this earth. There is no other feeling that tops being in love, and having a beautiful sexual experience with the one you love. If you want to experience this type of relationship, you should stop watching pornography,which gives a warped view of how sex should be. You should also stop watching ‘programs’ on tell-lie-vision which portray an unrealistic view of relationships. The only image you should have of how your relationship should be, is the one you create in your own mind. If you are religious, your perceptions around sex might be based on your beliefs, and if they serve you well, keep them. But if they don’t, you might want to change your beliefs.
Now that I have sexually liberated you, PROCEED WITH CAUTION!
I’m not giving you the green light to go out there and have sex with whoever, whenever. Sex should be your servant, not your master. You should be in control of your sexual urges. Whether you are religious or not, think carefully before jumping into bed with any body, because your body is your temple.
Since your body is the temple of your holy spirit, you shouldn’t abuse it, and don’t allow anyone else to abuse it either. Only heart-felt sex is godly. So make sure you build intimacy with anyone before even thinking about having sex with them; only seek sexual encounters that are going to get you to ‘heaven’. Take time to build intimacy mentally and spiritually, before you commit your body.
“How do I build intimacy?”
To build real intimacy, we need to focus on each other’s spirits as well as our bodies. This is where the idea of soulmates comes from, connecting on a soul level. Since we are essentially spiritual beings living in bodies, it makes sense to connect with the spiritual part of each other’s being for true relationship.
However this doesn’t mean we have to deny the physical part of us, in fact, the reason we are in bodies is to use them to relate to each other on a physical level! We are spiritual beings having an earth experience. Being in relationship with each other is the biggest part of our journey in life, and therefore our sexual experiences should also reflect this.
If you’re in a relationship, treat each other to massages, baths together, candle-lit evenings where you can sit and talk etc. Create an atmosphere for love. More importantly, love your SELF first, before seeking love from another.
Thirdly, know that you can experience something really beautiful through the sexual act. It is meant to be a fulfilling experience, not one that leaves you feeling ‘bad’.
While offering you the hope of sexual liberation, I’ll also remind you that you should pick your sexual partners very carefully. Ever since I found out that I could go to another level spiritually through the sexual act, I’m much more careful about who I share my body-temple with!
Sexual energy isn’t meant to be suppressed; un-expressed sexual energy is like a time-bomb waiting to go off.
The aim of the sexual encounter should be to unite spiritually just as much as physically. If you have sex and come away feeling unfulfilled, you didn’t reach your full potential in that sexual experience. Always seek to have heart-felt loving, genuine caring, sexual experiences.
Sex is meant to be for healing, for yourself and your partner (Marvin Gaye knew what he was singing about!)
Sexual energy is a powerful, creative force; if you’re not going to use it to make a baby, there are other things you can create with it. In Year Eight of my Self-help novel ‘Journey of a Sister’, Suzanne and Charles stumbled upon a little-known secret to Black Male and Female Sex, and used their sexual energy to set up a successful business! Start the journey by reading an extract from Year One FREE! (Click on the image below to download for only 99p/$0.99)
In your service,
Author|Poet|Artist|Events Host|Workshop Facilitator
Promoting LOVE through Creativity!
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